It's gonna take me crackin' this mirror to finally be myself again

I stared at the reflection in the mirror, picking out my every flaw, cursing myself for being so fat and plain. I know I'm nothing special, and it's painfully obvious that everyone else feels the same way. I had begun standing in front of the mirror for about an hour every morning, finding new things to hate about myself. It was becoming a routine, but I could tell that Steve and Maddie were getting worried about me. I stared at my stomach and thighs, feeling myself start to get sick in disgust. I felt the stomach acid rising into my throat, and then I'm hunched over the toilet dry heaving. I had finally been able to only eat about one meal every three days, and even then I typically threw up what little food I had ingested. I was losing weight, sure, but not enough. Never enough. I needed to lose more, more, more. Always more.

I quietly shut the door, taking a small bag out of my pocket, and a small mirror out from under the sink. I fixed myself a line, rolling up a twenty and inhaling the white powder. I closed my eyes, squeezing my nose shut and leaning back against the door. I stayed that way for a few minutes, opening my eyes and looking at myself in the mirror. My pupils were blown wide, and I smirked to myself. I cleaned up the mess I had made and took one final look in the mirror.

I turned away from the mirror, pulling a tank top on and walking into the room I share with my twin sister, Maddie. She was sitting criss-crossed on her bed, facing away from me, and it appeared that she was looking at something in her hands. "Maddie?" I called quietly, my voice was shaky, but she didn't seem to notice. She turned to face me, smiling warmly. "Yeah, what is it Bre?" I looked down at my feet, feeling a little dizzy. "I'm going out, I'll see you later, okay?" I said slowly, making eye contact with her. She nodded, and I could tell she was trying not to show how worried she was. "I'll see you later. Be careful. I love you." She gave me a small smile, and I returned it with a forced smile of my own.

I left the house, unsure of where exactly I was going. Somehow I ended up in front of the Brumley household, then the next thing I know I'm knocking on the door and it's being opened. I looked up at Kyle, giving him a small smile, which he returned with a nod before letting me into the small home. I looked around the living room, noticing the empty bottles and full ashtrays on the coffee table. I slowly walked through the house, and Kyle followed closely behind me. I made my way to his room and stopped at the foot of his bed. Suddenly he was behind me, his breath on my neck and his hands on my hips. "What do you want, Bre?" His voice was low, and I felt his fingers make their way under the hem of my shirt. I leaned into him, smiling and closing my eyes. "I think you know exactly what I want."

He trailed kisses down my neck, nipping lightly at the skin as he pulled the strap of my top down my arm. He kissed along my shoulder, looking up at me. I turned so I was facing him, hooking my finger in the waistline of his jeans. I pulled him close and kissed him, biting hard on his lip. We made our way onto the bed as I reached the peak of my high. When we were finished he fixed me another line which I gladly inhaled, smiling over at Kyle. He did a line and we laid in his bed for a little while longer before I decided it was time for me to go home.

He walked me to the door and I kissed him goodbye, his red-orange hair tickling my cheek. I walked out into the warm summer air, grateful that I was still under the influence. I stared up at the stars as I walked, slowly but surely making my way to Bucks place. The bar was packed full of people, some of which I recognized, some of which I didn't. I saw members of the gang, but chose not the talk to them, I don't want to be a bother. Audrey was there with Hunter, but neither she nor Owen are worth getting upset over, so I took a seat at the bar.

I watched the people interacting with one another, and I don't know who I felt more sorry for. Them, or myself. They had each other, sure, but as I've noticed lately, all anyone does is hurt the people they care about. Since I'm bad I'm making friends, I typically just lone it, but I guess that doesn't save me from pain, either. All I know is people fucking suck. You can't trust them. People are selfish, they do things that they know are going to benefit them in some way, otherwise you're on your own. I looked away from them as I felt myself start to get dizzy, turning my attention to the bartender.

Leo was working hard, and it took him a while to notice that I had sat down. "Well look at what we have here," He smiled, standing in front of me. "Do you want anything to drink?" I thought about it for a few seconds, and decided on a shot of whiskey. He fixed it and handed it to me; I downed it immediately and smiled at the familiar sting. "Thanks, I needed that." I smiled, putting my head in my hands to stop the room from spinning. I had been dizzy all day, and I'm sure the cocaine and liquor weren't doing any good. I stood up, hoping that would help, but I was wrong. It only made things worse, and I reached out to grab the bar to steady myself. "Hey, are you okay?" I heard Leo ask, but I couldn't respond. I could barely hear him, there was a roaring in my ears, and my vision was going in and out. I felt my heart beating out of my chest, my palms were starting to sweat, and I could barely breath. I looked up, seeing Owen walk into the building and then Leo was standing in front of me, blocking my vision. That was when everything went dark, and I felt myself hit the ground.