Stick Another Pill In My Head, And Go To Bed

Things have been pretty rocky at the Randle-Parker home. With Steve's mom being sick and all, and his dad getting on his back about work and school. I decided to help out and get a job down at The Dingo, working full time since I dropped out of school around the same time as Soda. Steve and his parents told me how grateful they were that I was helping them out. Honestly, it's the least I could do since they took me in all those years ago.
After a long day of working I checked my schedule, grabbed my jacket, and left. "Have a nice night, Breanna!" My manager, Anne, called after me. I turned and smiled, waving back to her.
"You, too." I called, running to my car and hopping in. I really didn't know where to go, then I remembered that Dawn was hanging out with the Brumleys the other night, and I had known them forever. I drove out to BFE, parking in their driveway and walking up to the front door, knocking a few times.
I expected Caleb to answer, he was always the more cautious one, hence why he had a gun. But it wasn't Caleb, it was Kyle, the second oldest brother. He smiled, opening the door wide and motioning for me to come in.
"Don't worry guys, it's just little Breanna." He called to his brothers, who walked into the room with smiles on their faces. They all asked how I had been, giving me hugs, and noting that I had gotten a lot skinnier since the last time they saw me. I looked back at Kyle, who was sitting on the arm of the couch, watching us with a small smile on his face. I always wondered why Caleb and Austin both had jet black hair, while Kyle was a ginger and Andrew's hair was brown.
"So, what brings you here, Bre?" Kyle asked, standing up and walking over to me, throwing his arm around my shoulders.
 "Yeah, don't you know what just went down a week ago?" Caleb asked, giving me a confused look. I nodded, looking up at all of them.
"Yeah, I know, but that doesn't concern me. Plus, I've known you boys my whole life, you're some of my best friends. I obviously came over here to get fucked up." I smiled, causing the four of them to smile and laugh.
"You've come to the right place then, angel." Kyle smiled, dropping his arm from my shoulders and walking back to his room with his brothers. I sat on the couch and waited for them to come back, noticing that their hands were full of different kinds of drugs once they did come back. They set the drugs out on the table, and I noticed pot, pills, coke, X, and some clean needles. I looked up at them, biting my lip and scooting over so that Kyle and Andrew could sit on either side of me.
"What do you wanna do, Bren?" Andrew asked, and somehow the four of them convinced me to do coke. I'd done it before, but I wasn't trying to get addicted to it or anything. I really don't remember much of what happened, except that Kyle and I were half-naked in his bed and that's when I freaked out. I got up and ran out of the room, going to the kitchen and grabbing the phone. I dialed the first person I could think of that I knew wouldn't be fucked up.
"Hello?" Answered a groggy voice, and I immediately felt bad for waking him up.
"Yeah, Soda?" I asked, looking up when Kyle walked into the room, handing me my clothes. I took them with a smile, and he leaned against the wall next to me.
"Yeah, Bre, it's me, what's up?" He asked, I could hear a tinge of worry in his voice. Soda and I had been friends for as long as he and Steve had been friends. We were all in the same grade, too, but Soda and I dropped out together. He had always been a close friend, especially with him and Steve being butt buddies and all.
"I need you to come get me." I said quietly, hoping he would agree to do it. There was no way I could drive all coked up. I heard him sigh, and then the rustle of sheets and I knew he was going to come get me.
"Where are you, exactly?" He asked, his voice still a little groggy. I took a deep breath, looking over at Kyle and frowning slightly.
"The Brumleys." I answered, knowing his immediate reaction would probably be anger. No one really liked the Brumleys, and I could see why.
"I'll be right there." He replied, and then I heard the dial tone. I hung up the phone, looking over at Kyle who sighed and ran a hand through his hair.
"I'm sorry, Bren. I didn't mean for that to happen, you know." Kyle said quietly, looking down at the floor. I was probably one of the only people to see this side of him, the soft side. I reached for his hand, lacing our fingers together and gently squeezing.
"It's okay, I forgive you." I smiled, leading him to the living room so I could wait for Soda. Kyle pulled me down onto the couch with him, letting go of my hand and turning on the TV. We sat there like we used to, back when we were young. Kyle was probably my best guy friend, and it had always been that way.
"Before I forget, here." He said quickly, reaching into his pocket and pulling out two pills. "Take these when you wanna go to sleep, they'll bring you down from the coke high just enough so that you can crash." He set them in my hand, and I curled my fingers up around them, smiling.
"Thank you." I nodded, slipping them into my pocket and standing up. I noticed Soda's car in the driveway and looked down at Kyle. "Looks like it's time for me to go."
Kyle nodded and stood up, walking me to the front door and holding it open for me. "Goodnight, Bre." He smiled, kissing the top of my head before watching me walk out to Soda's car and get in the passenger side.
The whole ride home I had to answer Soda's ridiculous questions about why I was there, and why I thought it was a good idea, and what would Steve have done if something happened to me. I smiled at how silly Soda was and waved to him as I got out of the car, thanking him almost a million times.
The lights were off inside, so I went straight to my room without any questions. I pulled the pills out of my pocket, popping them in my mouth and laying down on my bed, grateful for my two best guy friends. I don't know what I'd do without them.

xoxo, Bren.

The Fault In Our Stars

One of my favorite things in the world is late nights at Buck's. Where everyone's fucked up and we're all dancing and laughing and having a good time and for several hours we're all happy. Then we go home to our empty beds and we're being woken up by alarms at ungodly hours of the morning with hangovers and that's the part that really sucks. When life hits you in the face and tells you to get back to your nine to five, and your school work, and all of the other bullshit that they have us doing. This isn't living, what we're doing. It's surviving, at the most.

Most of us come home from a long hard day at work, or a stressful day at school, and we collapse on our bed and we fall apart. We're all walking around with these broken things inside of us, and we don't know how to fix ourselves. So most of us resort to drugs, or alcohol, or sex with random strangers, or starving ourselves, or cutting. We're all addicted to something that takes away the pain.

Even I'm guilty of this. I'm addicted to many things, like good times with good friends, and the feeling I get when I haven't eaten in a few days, and the rush I get when I do something illegal, and the high the drugs give me. At least I admit it. But that doesn't mean a damn thing if I keep doing all of the bad stuff. It doesn't mean a damn thing if I'm doing lines off of the bar at Buck's, and it doesn't mean a damn thing if I'm rolling up joints in the back of the DX when I visit Soda and Steve, or when I'm drinking Jack Daniel's at seven in the morning because I have nothing better to do and I can't stand the thought of another fucking day.

"Bre, you comin' or what?" Steve asked, snapping his fingers in front of my face to get my attention. I nodded, grabbing my purse and following him out of the front door and out to his car. We drove to Buck's, where most of the gang already was. I followed Steve inside where he met up with Soda and Dallas. I stayed by the bar, watching everyone else. I always felt so god damn awkward around everyone, like I don't belong, like they don't really accept me or something.

I'm just Steve's little cousin. A little tag-along that follows him around because I don't really have any other friends. But the drugs are my friends, and that's who I like to spend time with. So I got up and walked to the bathroom, taking a joint out of my purse and lighting it up. I smoked for a bit before I popped some X and went back down to where everyone else was.

The drugs would put me in a good enough mood that I could actually socialize without feeling too obnoxious. I danced with Steve and Soda, and we laughed and had a good time. Soda and I were pretty good friends, being the same age and dropping out together. He was always easy to talk to. Steve knew I was fucked up and I knew he didn't like it, but I couldn't bring myself to care about what he thought. I danced with people I didn't know and I tried new drugs, and I was having fun. I was living.

I sat down and people watched, smiling at how good I felt, and smiling at how happy everyone was, and smiling at the fact that this was real and it was happening. Everyone was there, Blair and Audrey, and the Curtis's and Dal and Jelly, and the Cade's, and the whole gang was there having a good time. And even if I couldn't call myself part of the "family", it was still amazing to see so many people that love and care about each other so much. 

I talked to Jelly and Dawn for a bit, ordering plenty of drinks and keeping myself at the peak of my high for as long as I could. I couldn't let this feeling go. I felt too good, too free. The drugs were the only reason I had friends, the only reason I wasn't still sitting at the bar like a loner. I needed the drugs, and the booze. I needed them to make my life bearable for one more night. Just one more night before I went back home to my empty bed and woke up to an alarm at some ungodly time in the morning.

xo Bre